Blogisode 1: Forward ever, backward never!

I suggest you take off your shoes, get a glass of water...possibly something to eat...and get ready to catch up:

For those of you who have read my blog in the past, probably wondered where I'd been for the past year or so. I locked up shop without a forwarding address, and left my blog for dead.

Well, see, what had happened was.... Usually it'd go like that if I had some cockamamie answer. One to pacify you and soothe you over and welcome you back. But in fact, I have a real life reason. It happened...life that is. 

No I didn't get married...hush now! If I did, all of blog world would have known...unfortunately, since my first ever entry, I'm still single...some things take longer than others.

But what happened was my brain started churning out plans and goals beyond graduating Medgar Evers College. I was being torn away from my adult duties, and played around with things that I wasn't even sure belonged in my future. But had a wonderful time in the experience...because I believe wholeheartedly, that unless you try something, you'll never know if you're good at it. And publishing my two collections of poetry was indeed one of the most exciting things I have experienced. But life still lingered outside of that dream. My real life. 

I felt like I was getting older with no solid progress and accomplishments in my life. I had to face reality. I had other goals that I kept putting off, and I had to lay out my options. My will to succeed was so intense, that I couldn't deny it. 

Last year, in September, I had orthopedic surgery on both my feet. Some consider it cosmetic surgery, but I deemed it necessary *snuffs nose in air*. I had a nagging pain (and a bunion) that I had to fix. It was an easy decision to make, YET, a very painful recovery. That experience reminded me to be very grateful for the ability to walk. It took me 3 months to fully recover. But it was in my first weeks that I laid on my bed and planned my very first move for the moment the pins were removed from my feet. 

I felt like my life was missing something. It wasn't whole. I was just a body following a routine without fulfillment.  Believe me, laying flat on your back for weeks is enough to lead you to think the world of thoughts. Though I worked from home, I couldn't move without help, so I'd work and think. And lay there and think. And every thought that came to mind, my son was the first. He was getting ready to graduate middle school, and I had to offer him better. Then law school popped in (wondered if I should try again), or grad school, and then another and back to my son again. They kept that cycle for a few days and I realized that Brooklyn was stifling me. Holding me back from progressing. I was too safe there. I was smothered and I had to break free. I had to find out if I existed outside of Brooklyn.

Moving to Maryland was one of the big to-do's on my vision board the year before (I've always wanted to move there since I was a teen in high school), and heck, if I didn't try, I wouldn't know if I can succeed.  Earlier that year I visited Maryland frequently. On random weekends. No one knew that I was truly scoping out the place for possible homes. While I masked it as a joy ride and get away from New York, the underlying truth was that I WAS getting away from New York...at some point. I just didn't know when. But then I let go the thought of moving. I doubted myself and the thought of it never happening manifested. It was August and I was still living in Brooklyn.

So while I laid immobile, I plucked away at my laptop and googled just about every county and neighborhood in Maryland. I had to find where I felt most comfortable. And I did. I was excited, but felt unsuccessful because I was unable to drive, and unable to make things happen right then and there. I had to play the waiting game. I counted down the days the pins were to be removed from my feet, so that I can jump in my car and steal away to see this place that I had found. My pins were out on a Tuesday morning, and by Saturday morning I left. 

When I got there, it was indeed home.  I drove back to New York fulfilled. I, still in some pain, returned to my house and began packing slowly. I kept it to myself UNTIL I had completely settled into my new home. So I slowly packed, and like a thief in the night I left Brooklyn. Left her to her memories, her gripping claws, and her grim outlook for my future with her. It took me all of two weeks, and 2 weeks that couldn't come fast enough. 

I moved. I did it. I was scared. I was nervous. I was uplifted. I was renewed. I was giddy. I was rejuvenated. I was alone. But I had a goal. I had a mission. And I HAD a plan, so I had to focus. As the days went by I checked off from my list. Move (check), order furniture (check), buy groceries (check), confidence (check). I had it ALL written down. If I was going to make this major change, I had to do it right.  It couldn't be a half assed mission. Which was most of my previous goals. This was something that would be permanent, so I had to make sure the carvings I made in stone, were done right.

I moved in December ( so I'm living here 1 year today...and I did A LOT  within that year) and by February had already been accepted to The George Washington University (still currently attending classes), gotten my son enrolled in his intended high school, supported him through his first season of high school football (which meant no sleep for me, but all worth it...I saw him blossom into an amazing young man). All the while continuing to write for Outlish Magazine, and also being contracted to write for E Woman Magazine / E Women's Summit a prominent Caribbean women's magazine...and watched in awe as both our lives changed drastically and positively.

However, by June I was laid off. It shot a dagger in my chest. I was crashing. I didn't have that on my list. But I survived it. I turned the fear into a thank you. For I was thankful that God still allowed me the opportunity to be home with my son everyday, support him in the transition, and helped myself get to not lose myself in this fast paced change. Don't ask me how I survived, but I did. After my lay off and many nights of angry crying, I realized that this was God's way of slowing me down. I was on a runaway train without breaks. So I surrendered.

And after surrendering, a month later I was hired at a prominent law firm in D.C. I'm still in school. I'm still a supermom, and I am living life so free, so fresh, so new, so exciting and so deserved that I thank God every day, and to this day, for all of the blessings he has bestowed. And I call them blessings because, though I planned, they didn't have to come through. But they did. And in such a magical way, that I can't call them any different. 

I think what I'm trying to say is, when you have a burning desire to achieve something, NOTHING and no one will stand in your way. You WILL achieve that goal without the hemming and hawing at what ifs and can'ts. Sometimes life just makes you take a leap and land into the very thing you've been afraid of and show you just how good that thing can be to you and for you.

My life is in its purpose. Its not bullshit free, but its progressing in a direction I didn't imagine I could accomplish. Now I wake up without the fear of trying new things. I profess a goal, and I lay it out and follow it to the end. Sometimes stepping outside of your comfort zone, can propel you so far into your destiny, that it only truly takes a chance, and never looking back.

Forward ever, backward never!! (Maurice Bishop, Grenadian Politician)