Slowing down to the speed of love

Now and again my blog will trek back to being that "see through soul". I promise to continue to bring you uplifting blogs and inspirational blogs to go after your dreams...but I break down in my own mindset and will tell you what's taking place within that world inside my head.



Every now and again my heart does this betrayal thing, to self. From all the trials and challenges, it develops this resilient courage to stand firm, shield itself from distortion and any chance of falling, again. And then without warning it does this catapult into mid air, soar, get giddy, tickle itself, smile at 'him' and then plunges head first...no, no, heart first into this fantasy of a possibility and I buckle and falter. What in Jesus' name is that about?

With the 'him', its something unexplainable so I don't blog about it...it'd pass on its own...I think. Honestly its more than but I can't put my finger on it that I just leave it alone.



Some time ago, I've read the book, "Slowing Down To The Speed of Love" by Joseph Bailey, M.A., L.P. I read it while coming out of a very heartbreaking situation. I never really label it as a relationship, for that would constitute boundaries and roles and I'm guessing at this point there wasn't any. However, there was something deep that needed forgiveness, or else I probably wouldn't have molded into the person "after" the issues exploded.

But I had to begin with me. The book is pretty much a tool to guide couples and individuals into what it takes to keep love alive. To look deep within themselves to forgive, and know what forgiveness is (as if the bible didn't explain it to us, but we can always use a reminder). I love the book. I look into its pages every time my heart does this circus act of somersaults and jabs whenever it feels the need to prove a point. The point that I too need that timeless love...as Bailey discusses in one of his chapters.

It is profound...the way he explained it. And with his description I clutched the page a bit harder and realized that I am missing something ... that person to share it with. I want to give it unconditionally, watch it continuously grow, watch insecurity fade in the backdrop, listen to him, talk with him deeply, from my heart and appreciate him in every moment as I would want him with me.

Ok, do yah hear the violins???

No its not a cry of "woe is single ol' bo-beep me" ... far from it. Its a realization that there is a love so deep within that hasn't been touched, I'm ready to give it all *gasp* ... yes I've said it. I'm ready to give it all. No charades, no what-ifs, no rules and regulations, no more pragmatic ways of what it SHOULD be.

I want it to be timeless and limitless.

But with all the chaos of everyday hustle and bustle of what I want and where I want to be and what its taking for ME to get there, has me running a race against self that I'm not leaving pace for anyone to catch up... I need to slow down to the speed of love ... Mr. Bailey, I hear you...so loud that my ears are throbbing. Or is it my heart pounding so hard its sounding in my ear?

Dr. Bailey listed 8 guidelines of timeless love and I read it everyday: I'll share them with you if I must

1. You are the love that you seek - look within (he is there)

2. Love can only be found in the present moment (he is here)

3. Listen deeply to yourself and others (he speaks to me)

4. Recognize that we all live in a though-created separate reality (he exists in me)

5. Be aware of your true feelings and emotions as a guidance system (he guides me)

6. Learn to speak from the heart rather than the intellect (he is my native tongue)

7. Understand how to let go of the past, through the art of forgiveness (he heals me)

8. Transform conflict into wholehearted resolution. (he is my solution)


So, now that I've let you into the types of books I read to keep me grounded, I hope that I was able to help one of you find that courage to love and to forgive (if the need be) ... grudges and self imprisonments aren't wholesome...loving is so much more of a free spirited feeling.

Live and love ... for to love is living.

A Night of Poetry to Welcome the Fall @ Hibiscus Day Spa

A few months ago, the owners of Hibiscus Day Spa, a spa I frequent when time permits, asked me to do a reading for their clientele. I was honored.

They're famous to me for their sweet n spicy brown sugar scrub and now, here I am getting ready to be a feature at their spa.

I aim to please their customers ... the event info follows:



A Night of Poetry Reading


Hibiscus Day Spa welcomes the arrival of Fall, with A Night of Poetry by Onika Pascal. Ms. Pascal will be reading from her recent new volume “Collection of a See Through Soul - Bardvillian Symphonies”

About the Poet

Born in Trinidad, Pascalle Onika Lewis now resides in Brooklyn, New York, where she recently completed a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology at Medgar Evers College. Her first self-published book of poetry entitled, “Collections of a See Through Soul-Portraits,” written under the pen name of Onika Pascal, debuted in 2008 and her more recent Symphonies”. Since then, she has been working on many projects, including a novel titled, “On the Eve of Goodbye” and a memoir titled, “Becoming More Than Just An Orange.” Pascal’s talent of turning words into phenomenal stories and pieces of art is one that is infectious.

Where: Hibiscus Day Spa

When: November 7th, 2009

Time: 6 to 9 pm

To R.S.V.P for this event, please call us at 718.573.0831

A light refreshment will be served

I hope to see a lot of folks there ... I'M READY

When its right to write ... on the brink of NaNoWriMo

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I don't have the time to write, and lazy on given days, I don't feel to write.

I'm a new twitterer (new word from the twittersphere) and every now and again I come across a tweet that's loaded with links and information. You follow the right people, you'd get the right topics with your concerns.

A few weeks ago I tweeted to authors I follow, as to how they manage time for writing with other demands in their daily lives. Got a productive response from Carleen Brice (author of "Children of the Water" and "Orange Mint and Honey") and from that response, I have began allotting the deserved time for my writing. Its a matter of dedication.

Today I came across a tweeted link that belongs to the blog page of Allison Wells at . This article provided me with a new conviction...that a writer can write at any time and any place. Though I'm not a big fan of Freud My favorite part of the article was "remember and record your dreams". I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt my words and wake up out of my sleep to write them down. I thought I was developing some type of disorder. But by the end of the week, when I piece together those random dream-thoughts, I can create a paragraph, which can lead into a page...and so on and so on.

WRITING...WORDS...amazing ...who wouldn't???

I'm taking this bit of information and anticipate NaNoWriMo ... the reason my first novel became fully fleshed into 245 pages. I charge on to developing novel #2

Stay tuned to my writing journey for the month of November.

The Icing on The Cake

Women find comfort in just about the menial things in life. As long as it brings comfort we're sold. My blogs are taking a turn of content. Well more so, addition to its content. Aside from my see through soul, and the guest bloggers that I showcase, I'm going to post interviews with other mom's who are shining THEIR see through soul as well. These interviews are true to life, showcasing the journeys they each go through to accomplish their dreams. My mission: to uplift, empower and encourage ... our dreams need not be deferred; but nurtured as intended:


When I met Latoya, it was in the kitchen at my dear friend Vivian's home(how ironic is that?). She had just come in from DC and made it in time to help us all send Vivian's son off to the army. A somber moment, but Latoya was instantly infectious. Hilarious, smart mouthed, and most of all...a poet. She writes. Like I.


Latoya Snell aka Alter Ego, was actually the person who introduced me into the open mic arena. And from that moment on, my poetic journey is history in the making...or baking :)

I decided to interview Latoya because I'm taking my blog on a new journey. As with my guest blogs, I want to take the time to shine light on the mothers, singled or, coupled, who are holding their own into make a dream realized.

Aside from whipping words into a literary masterpiece for your reading pleasure, this wife and mother of one has a whole new face. She bakes. More than words this time, her cake monologues caught my eye... and my appetite... and I just had to share her with you.




I introduce Latoya S. Snell, Pastry Chef and owner of The Cake Monologues, located in the Heart of Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, NY. PLEASE VISIT HER WEBSITE ...www.thecakemonologues.com FOR MORE IN HER GALLERY AND TO PLACE ORDERS IF NEED BE


Tell my readers a little about yourself: background / education in baking (or just a hobby that you've perfected)

My name is Latoya Snell and currently 24 years old. I’ve been happily married for 2 ½ years and counting to a wonderful husband, W. Eric Snell, Sr. and we have a namesake whose 2 years old going on 26 who we affectionately call E.J.

I’ve struggled since leaving high school on what I wanted to do, which led me into a whopping six different majors at two different colleges and unfortunately no degree to show for it. Perhaps, some would call me indecisive for that but it was a hard lesson learned on not knowing the definition of advice. I followed the advice of some who advised to me to work in a “secure position” and in turn, I went into majors such as Business, Accounting & Physical Therapy. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with these careers but it wasn’t for me.

I went into Social Work after understanding this concept and did it for 3+ years in Non-for-Profit environments, along with 2+ years of Administrative duties but I’ve always been passionate about cooking and baking but as a hobby. A very close friend of mine went into a culinary school and shared her experience with me. Through her, I gained a deeper appreciation for it and slowly put my feet in.

Unfortunately, culinary schools, especially in New York City, can run as much as 30 to 40K for a six month program. I will not fake the funk with anyone during this recession and I sincerely cannot afford it. I learned the basics when I was younger though wonderful mentors, mostly from the older generation, trial and error techniques and definitely from my father. Between hearing my father’s lectures in my head about the proper way to do things, tricks picked up through the beautiful technology of YouTube, Internet pages and now Wilton Courses and such, I’m still learning new things daily.

To others, I may have or have not perfected it yet; to me, I don’t think the learning process ever ends. There’s always something out there we haven’t learned yet or given a second thought.


As a child, did you always like baking?

I loved baking when I was growing up! Some of my best memories are in the kitchen, mostly with my father, throwing out orders and driving everyone nuts with his favorite saying: “I’m tryna teach you sumthin…” He would follow up with “…just don’t listen!”

My mother, sister and I would sit in annoyance all for two minutes and everyone would laugh about it at the end of the day.

Baking is an art form of its own but the outcome is like poetry all on its own.

A baking poet; the irony behind this is jovial; what is it about the two forms of art that moves you?

Poetry and baking have a few things in common that I value dearly. Both can trigger some type of emotional response. Both can make you say, “…Oooh baby!” and then there’s moments when it could make you say, “Now, that’s just not right.”

Poetry and baking are its own unique art form and to see the smiles and conversations that spark from them are inspirational. It can make the most uptight or timid person break out of their own skin and that’s beautiful.

People inspire me, whether positively or negatively but that’s what gives me a mental high.


What are your favorite types of cake to bake; if you have a favorite?



Favorite cakes… ((smiling))

I’m trying to say this without sounding like I’m in dire need of an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting.

Well, there are several cakes that I love to make. There are two alcohol infused cakes in particular that I truly adore and is posted on my website, www.thecakemonologues.com ; one in particular, I named it Blood on the Baker’s Floor, where it’s a ménage a trios of Coffee Liqueur, Dark Rum & a strawberry/raspberry filling in a yellow sponge cake. The third liquor, Chambord in particular, is sprinkled on the cake and I make an outer butter cream pureed with fresh strawberries or a simple French vanilla butter cream. It’s decorated with other strawberries that are soaked or injected with Chambord or chocolate. It’s simply divine.

My second favorite is a tossup between The Twisted M&M & the Yani-Pooh Cake. The Twisted M&M is a chocolate cake made with Kahlua, Vodka, Bailey’s Irish Cream & Godiva Liqueur with flaked chocolate and M&M pieces.

The Yani-Pooh is a simple Bailey Irish Cream Chocolate Cake.

As far as non-alcohol infused cakes would have to be the Banana Puddin’ Cake or the Carrot Cake.

What mood are you in when you bake? Write? What inspires you to create?

I put myself in a relaxed state because baking can be very tedious. Being precise with your measurements, making sure your oven is calibrated correctly, clearing the adequate space and all that jazz can get a person’s nerves rattled if you are not up for the challenge.

My routine is to put on my IPod, something soothing like Maxwell, Luther Vandross or Prince, clear my space and start pulling out everything that I need. My son is usually here and I either keep him in the kitchen with me, which is a task all on its own or keep my mood mellow for the both of us. I entertain new challenges. Something about not knowing the outcome for the first time is great to me.

Writing is a tool that I use to empty out my thoughts. My woes, my joys and all of the in between are dedicated to that time. Sometimes, I will write, read it once and never touch it again and there’s times where I say to myself that I have to go back.

Creating new things, whether it’s writing, baking or simply embracing life is a necessary for me. If nobody thought outside of the box, then we would never evolve. Sometimes, we need that spark of creativity to keep life interesting. If my hands were taken away from me tomorrow, as disgusting as this sounds, I would be finding out new ways to use my feet to make things…but only for myself at this point!

Though you take your work seriously, what we love to do can also be fun. And I must ask, what is the funniest thing you've ever done while baking?

I had a couple of people over my house a month after I had surgery this year. Out of complete boredom, I wanted to create a cake. Two of my friends were perusing through my liquor collection and bartender’s guide book. One of them suggested that they would pull out three random bottles and I have to use it in the cake with no measuring cups and make it taste interesting. I baked the cake and saw a perfectly constructed hole in the center of my cake. It’s something that happens when cake is over mixed or too much liquid. The shape literally looked like a broken penis. (Yes, I have adolescent like humor) and we decided to color it in.

The recipe surprisingly is one of my favorite cakes, Blood on the Baker’s Floor. One of the best boredom cakes I’ve ever made…well, in my opinion.

I personally am not a cooker...I will if I HAVE to but I'm not going to go in willingly lol. Are you an all around cook or simply a baking perfectionist?

I’m an all around cook with a big heart for baking. It’s nothing like taking an original recipe and making it your own. I LOVE to

Like I said, I'm no true to form cook, I make pancakes and every time read the directions from the back of the box. So, for your babies, your cakes, which do you prefer, from the box or from scratch?

Definitely from scratch!

There are some people who can work magic out of a box cake. If I took the time, maybe I’d be one of those people but I sincerely appreciate the taste in a scratch cake.

Both sides of my family are hearty Southern folks who love their scratch recipes. When I first started baking cakes as a teenager, I didn’t mind the taste of a box cake but when I was pregnant with my son, Eric, I could taste EVERYTHING. It changed my perception on food as a whole.


As a child, I couldn't wait to lick the bowl at the end; do you give your son that pleasure?

My child robs that opportunity every moment that he gets a chance and I’m not looking. He’s so stealthy with his tactics, especially for a two year old. There are times where I’ll watch in amazement of what he will climb on to get to a mixing bowl. If he sees a bowl that I’m mixing anything in, his favorite phrase is “Cake…Pleeeese!” I don’t deny him unless I feel like he’s going overboard. Considering that I’m using raw eggs, I can’t take too many chances on him being that a child’s digestive system is so fragile.

My readers are of a diverse group. Eating styles vary. So I ask, do you bake vegan / organic?

I have done both. Personally, I don’t discriminate on whether it’s vegan friendly, organic or factory created products. I don’t particularly like all of the hormones that companies use to create their products but try my hardest to stick with the same brands. Counting my blessings, I love the turn out on the ingredients that I use but I respect my customer’s requests and beliefs.


And there you have it. The truth behind The Cake Monologues. I don't know about you guys, but I'm craving a slice of the Yani-Pooh Cake

Latoya, here's to wishing you tons of success on your journey, let your "sweet" dream take you far and beyond.

Thank you for sharing your "See Through Soul" with my readers.

My See Through Soul - Interview with Shon Bacon

On Wednesday October 7, 2009, my interview with the editor extraordinaire, Shon Bacon went live on her site Chicklitgurrl

I was so excited when she contacted me to be featured amongst her bookshelf of authors.

See the excerpt below...


How do your beliefs, values, and cultural awareness reflect themselves in your writing?

Ahhhh, my beliefs! My belief that one must always persevere to reach their goals resonate with just about all that I write. You see it in my blogs, my poems, my prose and soon to in my upcoming novel. My values of respect and decency has its place in my writings as well. In that I’m mindful as a mother that one day my son will read my work, mindful that I have my grandparents and my mother, my elders, cheering me on. I want it to be tasteful. Not that I’m perfect but I have a sense of who I am and what I want to stand for. My culture is in my blood. My first and second collection of poetry has something dedicated to that. It’s inevitable. It may even show up in my first novel as well. How can I leave it out when it’s my genetic makeup? It won’t always be present in story lines, but it’s very much present in my being. It helps me be who I am for the readers....


Visit Shon's page for the full article:

Back in the Box Jack in the Box

I think I've figured out how Jack...you know, Jack from inside the box?...feels. He spends most of his time inside that box, probably praying for someone to turn that handle so he can spring out to explore the world. If only he can turn it himself...IF ONLY.

When I visit Trinidad, my home, the essence of who I am...I see how much of a "Jack" I can be. And could've been, had I stayed. Its lifestyle is very addictive, laid back, comforting...like a mother's womb. When I visit, I want to stay...stay inside that box. Nothing much has changed in the routine of the days. And its something I notice with every visit. The routine in my family's household is just the same as it was when I was 12 years old. Its unchanged. Oddly...unchanged. After a few days there, I'm reminded heavily of my life outside of it all. And at any given time...well the time on my departure ticket...I have to return to that life. And when I do, I'm thankful that I have the ability to turn my own handle and pop up out of that box. I wouldn't survive...don't think I could. I've already tasted the outside world, made some adaptations and well they don't quite fit inside my box anymore....at least not for a long time.

On my recent trip, I found myself wondering what if I'd never left. What would my life be like? Who would I have been? How would I have been? Would I have been this passionate about writing *gasp*, would I have been a mother of 3 or 4, homemaker or corporate chick...so many thoughts roamed in my breezy head. Poor Jack...he doesn't know what he's missing out on.

Though I have Trinidad as my box, and I can always return to it when I need to crawl into a hole for comfort and security...I totally adore the exploration of the outside world, that adds color and diversity to my life.

Moral of this blog ... always seek to learn and experience more...step outside of your box and challenge yourself to the norm in your world. There's a whole world out there...shoot for the stars.

A See Through Soul at Soule

On September 27th, I had my reading / signing at Soule Restaurant in the Clinton Hill Section in Brooklyn. The ladies and management of this restaurant, have my undying gratitude for their support and confidence in my writing. I was honored when they approached me to host the reading for me, and two weeks later, I'm still beaming. It was amazing.

The evening was structured on an intimate, one on one setting. I had the opportunity to hear the readers read their favorite piece from my book. They gave it their own flavor. And it was delightful. After reading, they had the chance to give their thoughts on what they felt the piece was about...I in turn, answered their questions. What drove me to write the piece, what inspired me...when I wrote it...a see through soul... it was the theme for the night.

I felt so comfortable, that I can't wait to do it again on November 7th at Hibiscus Day Spa.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank again, those who encourage me, those who share the confidence that I'm on the right path, management of Soule Restaurant and to all of the poets who inspire me and contribute to the art of poetry and give it a reason for me to love.

Love you all dearly