All in one breath.

:Inhale:

I've been winding down my semester in the weirdest way. I'm hardly doing my readings and taking two minutes to myself to study...and its not good. I pass, however, I'm not diligent. NOT GOOD.

What's distracting me? The heavy concern that I found my book being sold on a British website without my permission and at triple the price. It unnerved me. It scared me. Damn...I'm not even popular and already I'm being robbed. "Cease and Desist" ... all bullshit and pull my product from your site. It's what my email stated. With my legal mind, I tightened my chest and stood firm. Despite this one crack in my foundation, I seek legal advice and hope to get the matter resolved the right way. That all parties involved in this deceitful act get reprimanded and that I get what I deserve.

With that going on, I'm pulling tooth and nails to figure out what my move will be after I graduate. The economy isn't quite a promising one and I'm fidgeting to plan for the future when I'm not sure if we have a future. Relocating is the mission on my brain. So I've been fishing and scoping out the best way to get it done. Nothing comes to fruition without heavy conviction nor construction. I want to walk into something I build...with the guidance of my God.

Bardvillian Symphonies. My second compilation. I've watched it every day for the past weeks. The 62 page manuscript is gorgeous. The book cover image designed by my brother is even more beautiful. I blush. The structure of the book, its content and the words are even more inviting than the first. I'm anxious for it. Stay tuned.

Love: HA! Still the same ol', same ol'. The fishes in the sea ain't biting. Could be that I'm not fishing or possibly that I'm swimming with a life vest and floating devices. I refuse to sink/fall. Life is too good for ME and just ME right now...I'm just floating on.

Facebook: Has truly been some sort of magnetic force field for past lives and such. I'm walking paths and the many different sides of me that has me working on BOOK 3 lol...yeah its addictive. I love it. I'm Trini, I'm Brooklyn, I'm educated, I'm a clown, I'm a lover, I'm a friend....I'm Pascalle aka Onika Pascal. My life can't get any better than this ... even with the mishaps and hurts. It creates a special me. My blueprint cannot be duplicated. The "who am I meant to be?" Rings clear, even louder. I'm meant to be me. A little bit of each and every one of you as you have a piece of me.

:Exhale: My baby boy is growing beautifully. Therefore my heart still beats.

Thank you for the encouragement, for reading and for the support.

Love Onika

Into the new

As introvert as I am, most times I want to go unseen or be so secluded that it doesn't matter what the others are doing. I love my alone time.

However, lately, I can't seem to find time for myself and in a weird way not bothered at the fact that I'm getting 4 hours sleep a day. Is that unhealthy? Or am I truly enjoying my time with my friends? Though unexpected situations get tossed in between the mix, I carry myself into the new.

I've been somewhat confident and courageous to step into the things I'm not accustomed to doing...without being shy about it that is. My mind is free. My mind is mine.

Into the new.

Tomorrow I'm going to recite at Folukie's open mic and I anticipate it. Normally I'd have to build up the courage to do so days in advance but this time, I'm all ready. Might even recite without using my book. Yes, I'm still very much a paper poet.

Having my conference call with my publicist (I HAVE A PUBLICIST lol) about my event in the Queen City ... I AM ANXIOUS ABOUT IT AND PRAY IT GOES WELL

Still haven't squared away my event at Two Rivers Bar ... please bare with me. But I promise that info to come.

Though I'm still not a prominent writer, I am enjoying the road I'm taking with this. I'm learning and I'm having fun. Life is to short to not ever pick up and follow your dream.

I hope by my next blog I have confirmed dates for my anticipated events.

Lets see how the coming days go.

What's Going On???

Oh man...getting back to this seems to be a bit more challenging than I thought, even though I have my laptop back. Just so much to work on

Since my book has been published, I've found myself getting into some things I surely did not imagine.

On March 30th I'll be speaking at career day at Meyer Levin I.S. 285 in Brooklyn.

I'm currently working on a signing/reading in North Carolina. Still an idea being fleshed out. TO ADD TO THIS...I'M NOW A CLIENT OF JSW MEDIA...the wonderful Jameka is on my side to get my name out there. So you know I gotta come fierce. She is tha' best. LOVE HER LEVEL OF PROFESSIONALISM aside from a friendly bond that we have.

Also working on a signing/reading at Two Rivers Bar in NYC ... the owner offered me the space to get cracking ... he's really a cool guy...you should stop by the bar if you're in the city.

My second collection...my more anticipated compilation will be submitted in April...can't wait to get that one out as well. I think I've definitely been bitten by the publishing/writing bug. I'm constantly tweaking away at things to get it out.

Though I know I'm diving into that sea with the best of the best...I must say I'm not in it for competition, I'm in it for pursing my dreams. If the road leads me to recognition, I aim to be prepared to be considered to be amongst the best of them. So I'm currently looking into writing workshops to expand my talent.

Dates for all events will be confirmed later on. As usual I'm still panning this out in the midst of a full time school schedule.

Sales so far on amazon has been ok ... ok..considering that I didn't truly anticipate any purchases on the site. I'm a new comer and hey! WHO DO I THINK I AM lol. that's my honest thought. but I must say its put a smile on my face from January to now. Personal sales have been good also. I'm a shy sales person and pushing the book takes courage. My son wants to park up at the mall and sell them from the trunk of my car. He's going to be a great businessman...Master P watch out now lol

So despite the crippling set back I experienced recently,I press on ... nothing to do in life but TO PRESS ON.

I realized I never posted pics to my release since last November...just crazy I tell you. I'll try to have them up soon.

Nonetheless ...I'm still around, still writing, still working on perfection (is that attainable) and still looking forward to be a part of the literary world.

At least its the one thing (other than my son) that loves me back

Pieces to the puzzle

Sometimes, it seems like everybody but me, was taught how to catch and hold on to the tail of the wind that sails on through to happiness. Maybe happiness isn't the word I should use but it fits in at this moment.

I've watched, on the outside, as others fit their pieces of the puzzle together, while I watch mine shatter and disperse like fine crystal after hitting a concrete floor. As the pieces go gliding and sliding as though they're on air, I'm not able to pick them all up and put them back together again. Some pieces I have to search for along the way. But the broken pieces that I do fine, I marvel in confusion at how they lay side by side. Like mini corpses waiting for proper burial.

In my attempt to be whole again, I sought comfort through others and have tried to make my end pieces conjoin with their end piece but they didn't fit well. I watch them lay lifeless and lonely. When the wind picks up rage on its passing, I hold them in my arms so they won't be tossed around like pollen. Sometimes, I'd give one of my pieces to another, simply because at the moment they needed it more than I did.

I lifted my head and felt the wind again. This time it tried prying through my fingertips, tried getting me to grab on and set my sails on its strength. But my hands didn't break free. I'm still missing pieces. I wouldn't survive the journey. The bold and autonomous ones flew past me, glaring comments at my expense. " Thank you for making us fly on out of here. Your courage is what we needed to survive this moment". I bowed my head and prayed that one day I'd get that piece back. I'd be whole. I know I'd be. The happy couple too, flew past the last tear drop from my right eye and then, confidently, she spoke. "Thank you for your obliviousness. Without that I never would've gotten him to come home. Better luck next time." And their wind swirled around me rustled my hair and petted me like that stray puppy with no owner. He did that to me. I blinked and let my eyelids sit aimlessly for a moment.

My wind will be coming soon. I know it is. My whispers were reassuring but not full of hope. I spent days staring at the pieces I had left. I had to figure out a way to make them fit and be whole. I couldn't find the lost pieces, couldn't borrow from another and couldn't take back the ones I gave away. They'd already soared to higher heights.

As I counted up to 25, I looked at the remaining 6 pieces and slowly started bending them and reshaping them to fit the groove of what I had. I created a new me with what I had left. Finally, I opened up, felt the wind through my fingers, caught hold of the wind and flew past the bold and the couple who I gave my joy to. I smiled at them and thanked them for taking a piece of me with them. For they taught me how to be strong, to be courageous, to no longer be oblivious to the strength I had within me.

I set sail with the wind and let it carry me home.