How bout dem durr apples?

After reading what I read today, I think that is how I'm going to speak from now on.

Here's why...

Ever since my decision to publish my writing to share with the WORLD, I've always made the joke that I fear Wendy Williams getting a hold of my book and criticizing it so hard that I can't walk down the street with a straight face. Today, I was faced with that fear. Not from Wendy Williams but from my school's newspaper...Adafi

I don't want to seem like those kids on American Idol who can't toot a note to save their lives, yet their mommas steady praise them and tell them they sound like Whitney Houston and Teddy Pendergrass...meaning I don't want people to tell me my work (poetry, prose, blogs, writing) is good when it isn't. Tell me the truth.

Well today, Adafi tore me a whole new butt-hole (can I say butt-hole?). Their review of my collection was very harsh. To a new author...it was.

I've always been the worst critic of my work...but I think Tracy (the arts editor at Adafi) surpassed my level of criticism. I send my book out for review and brace myself for harsh criticism...and like I told Tracy in an email thanking him for his review, yet blasting him for what seemed like a personal attack, not on my writing/poems but on me as a person.... Not everyone likes apples (I surely don't) so I'm not expecting to have everyone like my poems or understand why each piece was written. I surely can't and won't be able to give an explanation to everyone who has purchased a copy and they too, in reading, may find it to be very poor and tasteless...and all I would be able to do is resort to the old cliche and say is, to each his own. I have read poems by my beloved Maya Angelou that I didn't like nor took a liking to...so the buck doesn't stop here.

Despite Adafi's harsh review, I embrace it and strangely look forward to publishing my second collection. Won't probably ask them for another review...but I press on. I've gotten feedback from others who appreciate the writes and I can do this.

Hey, if I can go through the humiliation from a relationship ... having the world laugh at my work can be more eventful :). I have learned to laugh at myself through embarrassing moments, this review has just prepared me for the many that's to come...but at least I can still say, I have accomplished publishing my own book and fulfilling a dream.

This is my second review, but the first of a very bad one. Its less than stellar, not quite what any author wants to read but I'm a positive person and though Tracy...the English major who has specialized in poetry didn't like my work, the 50 + people who have bought it has given me wonderful and encouraging feedback.

One bad apple won't spoil the whole bunch of words

Overwhelmed and overjoyed

So much is going on.

From finding out that my son is in the early stages of developing diabetes (thanks to my paternal and maternal grandparents...its their gift to my offspring), to finding the energy to remain calm and contain my heavy breathing from the excitement with the events of the country..celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr and celebrating the fruits of his labor... the open mindedness to elect Barack Obama as the 1st African American President of the Great United States of America, I am still ever thankful for being in this moment. For being a mother, for having the strength to handle what comes my way...for him, for being able to share this moment of African pride with him, for telling him that yes, its true...he can. Its a plethroa ofgratitude.

At times, however, I don't know if to feel saddened at the fact that it took this country so long to get here...the very country that helped the world fight for "freedom", the very country who thrives off the concept of the "American dream" that's sold to those less fortunate. Instead, I think of the ancestors and hold fast to their courage and realize that holding the past in mind won't push things forward. So rather than feel sad, I feel enlightened, I feel encouraged, I feel strong. Not because a negro is President but because none of the struggles went in vain. That day has come.My love for history has an all new meaning.

Amongst my excitement, I read of the many comments in news reports, of people around the world who has this high expectancy of him pulling tricks out of his hat, a high expectancy of him ridding the world of the woes they now revel in. It bother's me that they want to rest the strain of it all on his shoulders. How dare they? Is it just to know they have a scapegoat for all the ignorance of the world? Its heart breaking. I pray today, that he will be no more than he is... human.


To all of us who find something moving within this moment...have a wonderful MLK Day and I hope you're ever grateful for the chances in life that we have. Nothing endured goes without reward.

The other fishes in the sea

Last night I went to the Poetry and Writers Magazine (PW) poetry reading event at the beautifully structured, yet difficult to find, Galapagos Art Space. My aunt sent me an email last week with the info and she said "gyul go, yah never know how it will turn out"... And I must say it turned out to be a wonderful and eye opening evening.

After getting directions to find that haven under the bridge, I walked in and was surrounded by hungry word lovers. Be it hungry for prose, for poetry, for short stories or for novels...it was simply a haven for all. PW Magazine... just an awesome tool for literary lovers. At the event I met Mahogany L. Browne...and yes she was wearing her infamous sneakers (I think she'd do great with an endorsement from Nike, promoting maybe some writable/erasable sneaker for poets. This way our thoughts won't escape us if our blackberries break). She introduced me to her friend Kim and we sipped on sauvignon blanc and let the aura of the room soak through our pores and allowed the words of each poet, beat the alcohol at the opportunity to intoxicate us. None need to be sedated to listen and love poetry. It is what it is.

I ventured into an ocean of opportunities but realized that some of the fishes in this ocean run the gamut. They live and breathe words and make it musically structured to their beat of life. Its their world. For me, its a passion becoming my world. The event showcased 3 poets who were featured in the magazine...big fish Patricia Smith (author of Tea House of the Almighty and Close To Death), Michael Cirelli (author of Lobster with Ol' Dirty Bastard)and Matthea Harvey (author of Modern Life). I was something different. Not quite a fish and definitely in unfamiliar territories but learning to swim along with them in their sea of contests and workshops and recitals and loving your work so much that you make it grow on others.

I have a lot to do, a lot more to learn. I have to get fierce, confident, focused, determined and must understand that this is more than a passion, it is a calling. I'm not falling into this scene as though I auditioned for it, its coming naturally because it chose me. It isn't something where I'm seeking fame bu being amongst those that have made it gives me the confidence. Watching those he breathe it daily makes me understand how much poetry and writing are necessary.

I'm in this for entertainment and to satisfy this drive.

Stay tuned...I'll be around for a while.

Reaping what you sow

In all of the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years (well just one year) I've spent working on my poetry book, I never truly imagined how it would go. In my mind it was just a challenge I put on myself to see if I can really do it. Leaving a positive mark on this earth had always been a dream of mine and since Mother Theresa took fame for her deeds, what else was left for me? Ahhhh...a book. This way I'd be amongst the best in the literary world, even if I was at the bottom of the totem pole. It'd just mean that I made the totem pole.

Now I've been asked over and over, "Where do you want your book to take you?" "How far do you want it to go?". "Who are you trying to target?" "What is your book about?" The latter of the questions can be answered simply with the word LOVE. Its about love for self, knowledge, others, all of which helps you to be inspired and motivated. So I guess in a way my book can be inspirational, a way to let my audience who reads it to see that they're not alone with their emotions.

I compiled the book on the poems that sang my emotions. Fearful that they may have been too personal and didn't expect anyone to relate, I find that it is the complete opposite. I have been receiving feed back on how the pieces (individually) moves the person who has purchased a copy.

Out of love and a positive outlook that I hope my book can give, I find that I'm reaping what I sow. Someone purchased my book....I'll call her CB (for privacy purposes)... has taken my appreciation to an all new level. Never did I expect one of my "readers" to give the support as much as CB has given. I can't thank her enough for the support.

As I go along this journey, I learn something new everyday about the process. I went into it blindly but I'm seeing a vision of what and where I'd like it to end up. I intend to keep sowing books worth reading and hope to sow the feedback from those who enjoy my work.

Welcoming the 9

Ahhhh...The 8 is now officially the 9. The biggest challenge is to make it past February remembering to write 2009 and not 2008. Just last February I struggled to not write 2007. Oh how time flies.

I haven't been big on New Year's Eve. I had one memorable year..spent in the warmth of the Caribbean air with a love that seemed to have stopped time... and I think it would stay with me until its replaced by something else. But for now, its the one memory I hold on to and countdown the minutes into another year without "him". Nonetheless, that isn't the reason why I don't make a big deal out of it, I'm actually just about nervous for the change. The whole...never knowing what tomorrow brings...runs a mock through my mind. I'm not quite comfortable with change. When I'm settled in a comfort zone, I pretty much want ti to last a lifetime. But we all know how that goes. We can't always have what we want.

Last year I made no resolutions and didn't make any for this year either. With the situations I've encountered, resolutions seem obsolete. I've learned to not limit myself to things on a list. I've always played it safe. 2008 I rolled with the punches ...graduated with my first degree, conjured up the notion of law school, published my first book, received a promotion at work even though we don't quite know the fate of the company and most important, I finally buried a love that was stifling me to death. I ended 2008 with a new bag of confidence. I whatever my mind settled on and I'm going to proceed through 2009 with the same notion. Who knows what can happen!!!

So into another year being single. I can't quite tell you what I hope to accomplish, as I intend to just go with the flow...thank God for blogs...I'll update you as they come. I'm just going to be very cliche in saying...it's a new year, new things and new beginnings.

I welcome the 9 and all of the challenges its going to be comprised of.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!