Every now and again my heart does this betrayal thing, to self. From all the trials and challenges, it develops this resilient courage to stand firm, shield itself from distortion and any chance of falling, again. And then without warning it does this catapult into mid air, soar, get giddy, tickle itself, smile at 'him' and then plunges head first...no, no, heart first into this fantasy of a possibility and I buckle and falter. What in Jesus' name is that about?
With the 'him', its something unexplainable so I don't blog about it...it'd pass on its own...I think. Honestly its more than but I can't put my finger on it that I just leave it alone.
Some time ago, I've read the book, "Slowing Down To The Speed of Love" by Joseph Bailey, M.A., L.P. I read it while coming out of a very heartbreaking situation. I never really label it as a relationship, for that would constitute boundaries and roles and I'm guessing at this point there wasn't any. However, there was something deep that needed forgiveness, or else I probably wouldn't have molded into the person "after" the issues exploded.
But I had to begin with me. The book is pretty much a tool to guide couples and individuals into what it takes to keep love alive. To look deep within themselves to forgive, and know what forgiveness is (as if the bible didn't explain it to us, but we can always use a reminder). I love the book. I look into its pages every time my heart does this circus act of somersaults and jabs whenever it feels the need to prove a point. The point that I too need that timeless love...as Bailey discusses in one of his chapters.
It is profound...the way he explained it. And with his description I clutched the page a bit harder and realized that I am missing something ... that person to share it with. I want to give it unconditionally, watch it continuously grow, watch insecurity fade in the backdrop, listen to him, talk with him deeply, from my heart and appreciate him in every moment as I would want him with me.
Ok, do yah hear the violins???
No its not a cry of "woe is single ol' bo-beep me" ... far from it. Its a realization that there is a love so deep within that hasn't been touched, I'm ready to give it all *gasp* ... yes I've said it. I'm ready to give it all. No charades, no what-ifs, no rules and regulations, no more pragmatic ways of what it SHOULD be.
I want it to be timeless and limitless.
But with all the chaos of everyday hustle and bustle of what I want and where I want to be and what its taking for ME to get there, has me running a race against self that I'm not leaving pace for anyone to catch up... I need to slow down to the speed of love ... Mr. Bailey, I hear you...so loud that my ears are throbbing. Or is it my heart pounding so hard its sounding in my ear?
Dr. Bailey listed 8 guidelines of timeless love and I read it everyday: I'll share them with you if I must
1. You are the love that you seek - look within (he is there)
2. Love can only be found in the present moment (he is here)
3. Listen deeply to yourself and others (he speaks to me)
4. Recognize that we all live in a though-created separate reality (he exists in me)
5. Be aware of your true feelings and emotions as a guidance system (he guides me)
6. Learn to speak from the heart rather than the intellect (he is my native tongue)
7. Understand how to let go of the past, through the art of forgiveness (he heals me)
8. Transform conflict into wholehearted resolution. (he is my solution)
So, now that I've let you into the types of books I read to keep me grounded, I hope that I was able to help one of you find that courage to love and to forgive (if the need be) ... grudges and self imprisonments aren't wholesome...loving is so much more of a free spirited feeling.
Live and love ... for to love is living.
1 comment:
I simply loved this!
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