Monday, March 2, 2009
Pieces to the puzzle
Sometimes, it seems like everybody but me, was taught how to catch and hold on to the tail of the wind that sails on through to happiness. Maybe happiness isn't the word I should use but it fits in at this moment.
I've watched, on the outside, as others fit their pieces of the puzzle together, while I watch mine shatter and disperse like fine crystal after hitting a concrete floor. As the pieces go gliding and sliding as though they're on air, I'm not able to pick them all up and put them back together again. Some pieces I have to search for along the way. But the broken pieces that I do fine, I marvel in confusion at how they lay side by side. Like mini corpses waiting for proper burial.
In my attempt to be whole again, I sought comfort through others and have tried to make my end pieces conjoin with their end piece but they didn't fit well. I watch them lay lifeless and lonely. When the wind picks up rage on its passing, I hold them in my arms so they won't be tossed around like pollen. Sometimes, I'd give one of my pieces to another, simply because at the moment they needed it more than I did.
I lifted my head and felt the wind again. This time it tried prying through my fingertips, tried getting me to grab on and set my sails on its strength. But my hands didn't break free. I'm still missing pieces. I wouldn't survive the journey. The bold and autonomous ones flew past me, glaring comments at my expense. " Thank you for making us fly on out of here. Your courage is what we needed to survive this moment". I bowed my head and prayed that one day I'd get that piece back. I'd be whole. I know I'd be. The happy couple too, flew past the last tear drop from my right eye and then, confidently, she spoke. "Thank you for your obliviousness. Without that I never would've gotten him to come home. Better luck next time." And their wind swirled around me rustled my hair and petted me like that stray puppy with no owner. He did that to me. I blinked and let my eyelids sit aimlessly for a moment.
My wind will be coming soon. I know it is. My whispers were reassuring but not full of hope. I spent days staring at the pieces I had left. I had to figure out a way to make them fit and be whole. I couldn't find the lost pieces, couldn't borrow from another and couldn't take back the ones I gave away. They'd already soared to higher heights.
As I counted up to 25, I looked at the remaining 6 pieces and slowly started bending them and reshaping them to fit the groove of what I had. I created a new me with what I had left. Finally, I opened up, felt the wind through my fingers, caught hold of the wind and flew past the bold and the couple who I gave my joy to. I smiled at them and thanked them for taking a piece of me with them. For they taught me how to be strong, to be courageous, to no longer be oblivious to the strength I had within me.
I set sail with the wind and let it carry me home.